10 Simple, Sure-fire Ways to Make Today Your Best Day Ever

by Leo

I shut my eyes so I can see. – artist Paul Gauguin
Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life. – Burton Hills

This morning as I took my kids to school, I was feeling rushed and harried. Stress levels high, my face wore a permanent frown, my mind was in a million different places, and my two youngest kids (3 year old, and 20 months) were quiet in their car seats.

Then I realized: while my mind is elsewhere, I’m missing some prime moments with my kids. And not really enjoying my day.

And so I changed the moment, and in doing so changed my day: we began singing some of our favorite children’s songs. Itsy-bitsy spider, twinkle twinkle, wheels on the bus, ABCDs, I’ve been working on the railroad, the ants go marching two by two … all of the oldies.

Instead of thinking about all the things I had to do today, I brought myself into the present moment. And when we got to school, I took a few minutes to spend time with them. Be present with them. It was truly lovely.

This little incident not only brought warmth and joy into my heart … it brought a realization into my mind: I can either have a stressed, difficult day … or I can have an amazing, wonderful day.

I chose the amazing day.

The rest of the day, I did things to ensure that my day was the best ever. And it was. I had the greatest day … all from simple little things that don’t seem like much, but make all the difference in the world.

Do you have to follow these things step-by-step? Not at all. Find your own methods, or pick and choose a few of these. Main thing, though: take steps to make today your best day ever.

1. Be present. Instead of having your mind elsewhere, bring yourself back to now, in this moment, focused on where you are and what you’re doing and who you’re with. We cannot change things that have already happened, and obsessing over them does nothing to help us now. We cannot predict the future, so worrying about it does nothing to help you either. Instead, focus on now … if something is worrying you, take action … but even better, just be in the moment, and live as if now is all there is. Because it is.

2. Do less. Have a full schedule today? Cut it in half. You don’t need to do everything on that list. I took a few items on my list and moved them to next week. Do less (but focus on the important — not urgent — stuff) and you’ll be less stressed out. If you cut your list down and do only half the things you want to do for today, you’ll have a much better day. You’ll thank me.

3. Get one important thing done. As I said in the previous point, do less but do more important things. When I say important, I mean things that will have a huge impact on your life (personally or career wise) over the long run. Not things that need to be done today or else. Here’s why: If you get something important done, something that will help you in the long run (even if it’s only a step towards a major accomplishment, it’s important), you will feel great! You’ll feel a sense of accomplishment. That makes any day a great day.

4. Plan your perfect life. What would your life be like if you had no restrictions? I’m not talking about living in a McMansion or flying around in jet planes, but what would make you happy. A good step: pick the 4-5 most important things in your life, and build your perfect life around those things, eliminating most of the rest if possible. Plan that perfect life, and then plan the first few steps you need to take to get there. Now schedule those first steps over the next week, including one today. It feels amazing to start taking action on making your life the way you want it to be.

5. Declutter. Even if it’s just a little space — say a drawer or a shelf — decluttering an area of your life can have a wonderful effect on your mood and happiness level. I know it gives my day a boost. When things start to get cluttered (and let’s face it, even the best declutterers among us face clutter creep), I take a few minutes to clear it out. Clearing your desk (at least the surface of it) can be a great way to start.

6. Go for a walk. I was going to write “exercise” but I’m afraid that many readers will just skip over this one. So instead, just go for a walk. That movement, and the fresh outdoor air, will have a great effect on your day. And even better: take a few minutes to enjoy the nature around you as you go for your walk. Clear your head. Calm yourself during a busy time of your day. Think to yourself: “How lucky I am to be alive! How wonderful a world I’m in! What opportunities and possibilities lie before me!”

7. Focus on 3 projects. I wrote about this recently, but you’ll probably hear me repeat it a few times just because of the terrific effect it can have on your productivity and your life: choose only your three most important projects, and focus on them exclusively. Focus on getting them to completion, to the exclusion of all other projects. Do that today. You’ll be amazed at how much you’ll accomplish. I only started doing it recently, but I’m getting so much done that I feel like I was sitting on my hands before this. It feels wonder-tastic!

8. Listen to great music. When I was in the car, after I dropped the kids, an oldie came on the radio: Tommy James and the Shondells singing Hanky Panky. “I saw her walking on down the line (yeah) … you know I saw her for the very first time …” Well, I love songs like that (call me old if you like) and I started dancing in my seat. You might be turned on by hipper songs (or is “hipper” not a trendy word anymore?) but whatever music gets you going, jam it on your iPod or car radio. Or while you work. It’s a great time! “Hey, pretty baby, can I take you home!”

9. Watch a sunrise or sunset. Trite? Yes, definitely. But does it work? Yes, definitely. I took the time to enjoy the sunset on my way home today. Mmmmm. It was lovely. It just fills me with warmth. Sunrises are even more beautifuller!

10. Spend time with a loved one. Another obvious one, perhaps, but there’s nothing better, really. When I spent even just a few minutes with my two babies this morning, it filled me with a joy unequaled anywhere else in life. Then I spent some time with my wife, after work, and let me just say that’s about as good as it gets too. Even if you don’t have a spouse or kids, there’s someone in your life that you value … make time out of your day today to spend time with them … and not just to watch TV, but to actually be with them, talk with them, bond with them. It works.

Have some of your own methods of making today an awesome day? Share in the comments.

Eight Essential Tips to Overcoming Shyness and Making a Good Impression

by Leo [from zenhabits.net]

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Cyan Ta’eed, editor of FreelanceSwitch.

Many of us wish we were one of those people who walked into a room and had friends-to-be flock to them. Anyone would agree that those of us who make friends easily and are innately likable will probably have an easier and more pleasant time of things than those who are incredibly shy or find it very hard to make friends.

Little do many of us know that making a positive impression is far easier than we might think. But before I get started with that, let me let you in on a little secret:

Everyone is just as shy as you are.

Everyone… in the whole world. Some have learnt to hide it a little bit better or simply ignore it, but every one of us has the same fears and self-doubts.

I’ll qualify this by saying that I am regularly told that I am good with people and that I appear very confident in social situations. I don’t say this to brag, but because if you asked me I would tell you that I am very shy and insecure and overcome it by pure force of will.

This insight led me to ask some of the people I consider to be confident and very socially skilled. The uniform answer: I’m shy but I work at it.

It is incredibly liberating to realize that no matter how you shy you might be, the person you’re nervous to introduce yourself to is just as shy as you are. In fact, they’d be relieved if you took the first step. With this in mind, here are eight essential tips to overcoming shyness and making a good impression:

1) Introduce Yourself. This sounds so basic, but many people seem afraid to do it! Say you’re standing next to someone at a party, or you’ve run into someone with a friend and they’ve forgotten to introduce you. Our little shy alter-ego tells us at this point that no one wants to know our name and we should just keep quiet. I can guarantee that a big smile and a simple “my name’s blank, what’s yours” will be all you’ll need to get the ball rolling. Do it straight away because the longer you wait the harder it will be.

2) Don’t Feel the Need to Qualify Yourself. We’ve all been in a situation where a new acquaintance has gone to great pains to express just how great they are. Whether it’s how fantastic their job is, how much money they have or how hot their girlfriend is, it never leaves a good impression. However, when we’re in a stressful social situation ourselves, suddenly the temptation to prove that we’re socially worthy rears it’s ugly head. A humble but accurate description when asked is all that is needed, and if you make people feel good about themselves that’s the best social qualifier of all.

3) Ask More, Talk Less. People love to talk about themselves. It is the most interesting topic in the world. You know the best way to get people to enjoy your company? Ask the questions that let them talk about their lives. And then listen with interest. Simple as that. And if you’re worrying that you won’t have anything to ask, I heard a very socially savvy friend ask an acquaintance what fillings he liked most in his sandwiches. He was enamored with her. Trust me, you’ll think of something!

4) Be Generous. I’m not talking about buying drinks or a meal, but rather being generous in your opinion. It is all too easy to judge someone who says the wrong thing or acts a little differently from what we expect. However we have all had days when we make a terrible first impression by making an off joke or just saying the wrong thing because of nerves or a simple slip of the tongue. If you reserve judgement and spend time making that person comfortable you will not only spread some good karma around but will earn their eternal gratitude.

5) Don’t Judge a Book By Its Cover. I know a model. She’s absolutely stunning, yet appallingly shy. If a less attractive woman were to act as she does, she would be sympathized with, understood and efforts would be made to put her at her ease. My model friend is labeled stuck up and rude. Do not assume that if someone is cold it is because they think they are better than you or don’t have time for you. That may happen in high school, but thankfully that type of behavior is rare in the real world. If someone is cold it is most likely because they are very shy and insecure. Remember that and don’t be shaken if someone doesn’t respond as warmly as you would like.

6) Remember a Detail. Everyone wants to feel special, and we’re all looking for someone else to give us evidence that we are. If you’ve met someone before, remembering their name and a detail about them will be the greatest gift you can give them. This can be hard, but once you start getting control of social nerves it will become easier.

7) Compliment Others. I’m not suggesting you compliment someone for the sake of it, but if you genuinely like something then go ahead and tell them! Everyone loves a compliment, they start conversations and they give people confidence. I concede that women find it easier to compliment one another, but a genuine compliment from by either sex will never fail to create a generous atmosphere.

Think of Others. We hear this all the time, but it bears repeating. When in social situations, stop thinking about yourself and think about the other people there. If someone wants to join your conversation then make it easy for them. Help the host with serving or clearing away. Introduce people to one another. In short, get out of your own head and make sure others are having a good time. They will be truly grateful and you’ll be distracted from your own nerves!

Cyan Ta’eed is the editor of FreelanceSwitch. For more articles by her, see her blog or subscribe to its feed.

If you liked this article, please bookmark it on del.icio.us or vote for it on Digg. I’d appreciate it.

How to Doggedly Pursue Your Dreams in the Face of Naysayers

by Leo[from zenhabits.net]

What do you do if you have a dream, but everyone around you keeps telling you to be more realistic and to give up the dream? What if they want you to pursue a more “sensible” and traditional career route?

You ignore them. You shut out the naysayers, and you stay focused on your dream.

It’s the only way. Because in our lives, we will always have naysayers, we will always have negative people, and if we listen to them, we will never pursue our dreams.

Today we’ll look at how to do that, and to make those dreams a reality.

Reader Valerie asked me recently:

I’m barely 17 (turning 18 next February), and I have set goals for my life. But in the world that we live in, where everyone’s encouraged to get a steady job, find someone to settle down with, and have a family, I rarely find support for my “crazy” dreams. I want to live in Hong Kong, work in the fashion industry, and I refuse to get married before I turn 30, if I even find someone to marry.

I know that my goals and dreams are completely in my grasp, but with all these speeches about “the real world” that people my age hear constantly, I tend to doubt myself a lot. How can I stay true to myself and stay motivated?

Look at Valerie: she has a dream, and she’s ready to take the plunge, to take a risk, to change her life just to make that dream come true. She knows what she wants, she has a plan, she’s willing to do more than most of us are willing to do to get what she wants.

And yet, she has doubts, because dreams such as hers are not considered realistic. Those doubts, my friends, are what will stop any of us from achieving our dreams.

Doubts are The Enemy
We all have doubts, and they’re unavoidable. And sometimes, it’s good to be realistic, because you need to be able to analyze whether a dream is achievable or not.

But if the only thing stopping you is fears and doubts, and not some insurmountable obstacle, then you need to banish those fears and doubts.

Why? Because a doubt, as innocuous as it may seem at first, has a way of creeping its way into your subconscious, into the depths of your heart, like some kind of black and evil creature that has infiltrated your body. The doubt lingers at the back of your head, without you being aware of it, and will eventually conquer your dreams if you let it.

And when this happens, the doubt is more powerful than you realize. When you are making the tough decisions, like whether to apply for college or to go off to Hong Kong and pursue your dreams, your dreams will lose out, because of that doubt in the back of your head. When you think about yourself, your self-image will not be of that person you want to be, but the person that others want you to be.

Doubts will keep you in a job you hate, just because you’re afraid to go do what you really want to do. Doubts will keep you with a person who abuses you, because you don’t think you deserve better.

How to Banish Doubts in Three Steps
As doubts are so insidious, how do you beat them? It’s three simple steps, but each one is a bit more difficult than they sound:

1. Become aware. Doubt gets its power mostly because it is in our subconscious, and we’re not aware of the effects it has on us. Instead, we have to bring it to the forefront of our minds. And that means concentrating on our thoughts, and trying to search out those doubts and negative thoughts as they come up. The ones that say, “Maybe I can’t do this. Maybe it’s not realistic.” If you make a conscious effort to be aware of these doubts, you can catch them and beat them.
2. Squash the doubt. Once you’ve become aware of the doubt, imagine that the doubt is an ugly little bug. Now step on it, and squash it with the bottom of your shoe. Not literally, of course, but in your mind. Exterminate it. Do not let it live and spread!
3. Replace it with something positive. Now that you’ve squashed the doubt, replace it with positive thoughts. It sounds corny, but trust me, this works: think to yourself, “I can do this! Others have done it, and so can I! Nothing will stop me.” Or something along those lines, appropriate to whatever it is you’re doing.

You have to continue to be vigilant, and be aware of your doubts before they stop you cold in your tracks. This is a constant process as you pursue your dreams, not a one-time thing. Doubts, like insects, will continue to come back, even after you’ve killed the first wave or two. You can’t let them thrive and overcome you.

What to Do About Naysayers
So what about those external negative factors — the naysayers? Those friends and family and people in authority who tell you to stop dreaming, to be realistic, to take a more traditional path? Those who tell you that you can’t do something?

You have to learn to block them out. Or, if you have a contrarian streak in you, learn to let those naysayers fuel your determination — make it your desire to prove the naysayers wrong!

How do you block out naysayers? The same way you block out doubts and negative thoughts in your own head: you squash them. OK, don’t literally squash another person. But when they say something negative, or something that is likely to cause doubts in your head, take that thought (in your head) and squash it. Then replace it with something positive.

If someone is constantly bringing you down and constantly making you feel like you can’t do something, you might consider removing them from your life. This sounds drastic, and it can be, but the truth is that having a life full of negative people will drag you down to their level, and stop you from doing what you want to do. I’m not saying you should get a divorce or never see your mother again (if they’re the naysayers), but I am saying that you should pick your friends carefully.

Instead, surround yourself with positive, encouraging people. If you have friends like that, you can do anything.

How to Take the Plunge
So you’ve blocked out the naysayers, you’ve learned to become aware of your doubts and to squash them … and you’re ready to pursue your dreams.

But you’re afraid to take the plunge.

It can be very helpful to do a lot of research and to carefully plan your plunge. But once you’ve done that research and planning, you still have to take the plunge. How do you do that?

Imagine that you need to swim out to a boat on a lake, and you’re standing on the dock, looking down at the icy cold water. You are afraid to dive into that water, but you know you need to take that plunge to get to your boat. So how do you do it? Do you go in one toe at a time? Do you stand there for awhile, waiting for the right moment? Do you wait for someone to give you a push?

No. You have to just do it — just dive in! You’ve already done all the thinking you need to do. Just dive in.

Once you’re in, it’ll be freezing, but you’re in. You now have no choice but to swim to the boat. And once you’ve gotten to the boat, you’ll be glad you took that plunge.

That’s how it is with your dreams. You can’t wait for the right moment to come along, or for someone to give you a push, or for the lake to heat up. Just dive right in!

Once you’re in, you’re committed, and you have to go for it. You don’t want to turn back once you’ve taken the plunge. Now you’re more likely to achieve your dreams.

So plan it out, do your research … but when you’re ready, just dive right in. And don’t look back.

How to Stay Motivated
How do you keep your motivation levels high in the face of adversity and obstacles that are sure to come up? Motivation goes up and down, and comes in waves. It’s impossible to keep it high all the time.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Keep the end in mind. Have a clear picture in your head of exactly how you want your dream to turn out in the end. Know where you’ll be, what it’ll look like, how it will feel. Know exactly what needs to happen for your dream to be a success — how will you know you’ve arrived? Keep this clear picture in your head as much as possible.
2. Stay focused. Don’t get distracted by other goals or pursuits. If you are tempted to pursue other dreams, do so only with the awareness that you are abandoning your current dream, at least for now. If you don’t want to do that, then fight off the temptation of those other pursuits. For now, just stick with this one goal.
3. Get inspired. Who else is achieving this dream, or other dreams? Read about them, talk to them, email them. Go to websites that inspire you. Read books that inspire you. Inspiration is one of the keys to achieving any dream.
4. Celebrate any success. Anything, however small, that you achieve is a cause for joyous celebration. Really. If you’re writing a novel, and you’ve created a great character sketch, celebrate! If you’ve written your first few paragraphs, celebrate! Your dream will be achieved in baby steps, not in leaps and bounds. Every step is a cause for celebration … with enough steps, you’ll get there.

Recommended Book

If you’re looking for a great book about pursuing your dreams in the face of obstacles, I recommend The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It’s a parable that’s very well told and very inspiring.

If you like this article, please bookmark on del.icio.us or vote for it on Digg! I’d appreciate it.

How to Make the Most Out of Luck in Your Career and Life

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from J.D. Roth, who writes about smart personal finance at Get Rich Slowly.

Some people are luckier than others.

How many of you believe this? Why do you believe it? Are you one of the lucky ones? Or does luck seem to pass you by? And just what is luck, anyhow?

According to John D. Krumboltz and Al S. Levin, there’s no such thing as luck. In fact, they shirk the use of the word in their book Luck Is No Accident: Making the Most of Happenstance in Your Life and Career, opting instead to use “happenstance”, a word with less baggage. Krumboltz and Levin argue that luck/happenstance isn’t something that randomly effects us — it’s something that we create out of the chance situations and encounters that run through our lives:

Have you ever noticed that unplanned events — chance occurrences — more often determine your life and career choices than all the careful planning you do? A chance meeting, a broken appointment, a spontaneous vacation trip, a “fill-in” job, a newly discovered hobby — these are the kinds of experiences — happenstances — that lead to unexpected life directions and career choices.

The key is to recognize these opportunities and to act on them. Here are some techniques the authors suggest we can use to turn happenstance to our advantage.

1. Make the most of unplanned events. We are constantly bombarded by the unexpected. Most of the time, we dodge unplanned events in order to return to our normal lives. We fear the spontaneous. But if you can relax, open your mind, and roll with the unexpected, new opportunities will unfold.
2. Share your interests and experiences with people you meet. You don’t need to force your story on others. But learn to strike up conversations with people you meet in daily life. Ask them about their lives. They’ll ask you about yours. As Keith Ferrazzi notes in Never Eat Alone, this is a great way to form connections you might otherwise miss. It’s a great way to turn a random encounter into a possible “lucky break”. (Sometimes you will be a source of luck for the people you meet, just as they will sometimes be a source of luck for you.)
3. Always keep your options open. Goals are good. But single-minded devotion to a goal can often blind one to other opportunities. It’s also a mistake to cling to a path you hate out of a sense of obligation. If you enter law school and discover you hate it, quit. Don’t endure years of misery because you feel it’s expected of you. “Refuse to serve a life sentence of misery,” the authors write. You have more options than you think. But you may need to open your eyes to see them.
4. Wake up — before your dreams come true. When I was a boy, I loved computers. Computer programmers, like those in WarGames and Real Genius, were my heroes. But when I finally got a chance to program computers, it wasn’t anything like I had imagined it. It was drudgery. I gave up my dream and moved on to something else. Pursue goals, but be sure to reassess your progress and your priorities at regular intervals to prevent yourself from becoming trapped in a reality that is nothing like your dreams.
5. Try it — even without knowing the outcome. Two of the best ways to “be lucky” are to be willing to take calculated risks and to embrace unexpected opportunities. Try new things. Go new places. Don’t just do the things for which you know the eventual outcome. I’ve learned that the best way for me to grow as a person is to do something completely outside my comfort zone. Good things happen when I do.
6. Maintain a strong social network. “Building and maintaining good relationships with other people is an important component for job success,” the authors write. Other people can provide support in times of trouble, they can act as resources when you need information, and they can offer valuable connections to other social networks. Again, Keith Ferrazzi covers many of these concepts in Never Eat Alone, a book that explores the value of strong social networks. (And remember: it’s just as important for you to help others as it is for you to draw upon their help.)
7. Go ahead and make mistakes. Do not be afraid to fail. Yes, it’s trite, but it’s true: those who never try, never fail. And those who never fail, never learn. “First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen?” Dale Carnegie once advised. “Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst.” If you can learn to react to mistakes constructively, you can actually improve your situation and get on with life.
8. Take action to create your own luck. The authors offer a number of useful tips for creating your own luck:
   • Act now. Don’t procrastinate. Begin pursuing your goals today.
   • Avoid the “sunk cost fallacy”. Just because you’ve spent time and money on something doesn’t mean you can or should continue doing so.
   • Take advantage of timely opportunities. Don’t be afraid to say “yes” when a favorable circumstance arises.
   • Always do your best work, even when you think the task is unimportant.
   • Ask for what you want. If you do not ask, you cannot receive.
   • Be persistent. Don’t give up. Work hard.
   • Become a lifelong learner. In 50 Success Classics, Tom Butler-Bowdon notes that most successful men and women have made a habit of reading, and of constant self-improvement.

   Follow these seven guidelines, and your “luck” is bound to improve.

9. Enjoy yourself — the good life is a balanced life. Here’s advice I sometimes forget. A person who leads a balanced life is happier, more relaxed, more open to new experiences. If you maintain good relationships, pursue satisfying hobbies, go out of your way to help others, and continue to pursue personal growth, you will become a well-rounded person, just the sort that “luck” favors.
10. Overcome self-sabotage. Finally, in order to make the most of “luck” and happenstance, you must learn to face down their greatest enemy: your self. Each of us is capable of thwarting good fortune through negative self-talk. We beat ourselves up over our pasts. We tell ourselves that we “can’t” do something before we even try.

Dale Carnegie once said, “Happiness doesn’t depend on ay external conditions — it is governed by your mental attitude.” Some people might dismiss this as bunk, but research bears it out. Don’t worry about circumstances beyond your control. Learn to control the things you can, including your reaction to the world around you. How you respond to an unfortunate event is often more important than the event itself. Krumboltz and Levin write:

You have control over your own actions and how you think about the events that impact your life. None us can control the outcomes, but your actions can increase the probability that desired outcomes will occur. There are no guarantees in life. The only guarantee is that doing nothing will get you nowhere.

Inaction is the surest path to failure. You cannot succeed if you never try. My father used to tell me this, but I never took his advice to heart. I became an expert at doing nothing, at never daring to pursue my dreams. Over the past two years, I’ve begun to overcome this fear, have begun to act. I’ve begun to make my own luck.

Luck Is No Accident is a short book. Nothing in it is groundbreaking or revolutionary. Yet its common-sense wisdom is a powerful motivator. Whenever I read this book — I’ve read it three times in the past year — I cannot help but come away inspired, ready to make more of my situation, and to try new things. Is it worth owning? Perhaps not. But if you’re the sort of person who wonders why good things only happen to other people, I certainly encourage you to borrow a copy from your local library.

If you enjoyed this post by J.D., please check out his site or subscribe to his feed.